Yesterday my mom called me to army ~6.29 a.m. she said that she was in hospital with my father, who apparently had caught bloodpoisoning from somewhere... I ran to the first of my superiors I could see and gave the phone to him asking him to listen. I couldn't do anything else. I was kind of in a shock or something. he understood my matter and said to me to go and talk to personnel if I could go see him.

Fortunately our captain arrived soon. I went to his office and explained the situtation. He understood too and gave me 2 days to go see my father... I headed for Seinäjoki as fast as possible hoping for the best.

When I arrived to the hospitals intencive care unit(some sort of waiting room), there was no one there. I took a phone which was hanging in the wall and asked if I could see my father. They opened door for me so I could get there. There was a doctor who asked me if I was sure to go in there since I could be shocked. "The heck! I'm going there", I replied and she took me to my father.

It was indeed quite a shock to see my own dad in such condition as he was... Never before had I seen him in such a weak condition. He was practically kept alive by machines but showed some tracks of healing. Soon I head out to the rest of my family, who were at the waiting room.

My mom jumped up and ran to hug me. She was crying so much... She said that the doctors had said that my dad has no hope of healing and they would end the treatment as soon as I had seen him. But luckily his condition had gone "from 4 to 5 in school grades" as the doctor said. They decided to keep on treating him.

We visited him a couple of times and my little sister and brother left since they felt capable of going to school... I stayed there with my mother and we went to see dad for many times... He didn't show any response to anything we did... And ~11.30 p.m. we went to sleep in that waiting room..

Mother woke me up about 10 a.m. and said that father's state had gone worse. So we went to see him.. he was colder and more pale that I had ever seen.. The doctor came to us and said that there's no longer anything they could do.. He said that we may spend time with him now and after we leave, he would take off the breathing machine, which was basically the only thing keeping him in this world... So we sayed our long and painful goodbye to him and left for breakfast(we hadn't eaten anything for... who knows how long).

As we returned to the waiting room, a doctor came and said that my father had lived about 5 minutes after taking off the machine...

now... feeling so F**KING EMPTY. NOTHING. just... nothing... and tomorrow back to... owwww FUCK! I don't even want to think about it...


"Rainbow - Snowman" will be played at the funeral as my father asked.
What's more, this kind of shit is becoming a tradition in our family since my father's father died too when he was in the army. The only difference was that I could see my father's last moments...

God, how this house will feel empty after all this.. and how much we will miss him... R.I.P. hope you're in a better place..